I guess I just sort of get lost. I want to redesign me. I want to be someone I love. I want to try and think a different way. I don't want to repeat the get insulted, insult back, feel guilty, apologize cycle anymore. I'm tired of people overreacting and screaming. I'm tired of being a hypocrite and doing it all too. I think maybe it's healthy just to scream once in a while. I think maybe we should give everything our all. I want people to know me inside and out, yet I don't want to be predictable. I want to grow and learn without being told I suck or I'm an idiot. Because I decided, I Don't Suck. I'm Not An Idiot. I'm Me, Myself and I. Nothing less. Nothing more. That's all I need to be. Me.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I think you can feel sparks or jump to conclusions. But to love someone you have to get to know them. Say you know for sure they're your soulmate. My mom entertained the idea that we don't just have one soulmate. Maybe it's healthy to date more than one people at once. Well I guess it would depend on the extent of the dating activities with each person. But maybe, you're not supposed to meet up with your match in kindergarten in the sandbox and never look at anyone else. Maybe we're supposed to feel heartbreak before we can fall in love. I'm not saying to leave someone because they want to just date you. I've never actually dated. It's been relationships, and it's (of course) important to stay loyal. But what I'm saying is don't get angry when they're not perfect, if the sparks you felt that you were sure were deep unbreakable thread knotting you and them together fade away. Don't lose hope. Don't give up. It's all just part of living. There are 6 billion people out there. To let one discouraging experience crush your heart forever more is like winning the lottery, losing a quarter of it, and giving it all away because of your loss.
No matter what happens, remember that someone somewhere cares about you. You don't have to prove anyone right or wrong. Set your own path that you like and feel good about. But is that right? Is it questionable? Is it selfish? I really have no idea. Taking my advice isn't very helpful, because I flip flop sides.
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2 comments:
Perfect
Your posts always seem to sum everything upthat we talk about. They make you think way differently about things and turn every reader into a deeper person. That's good. It's greater than good. I'd like to say "that's what I think, too" but I can't take the credit. I agree with what you say. Well, not really agree, but I just see and consider another angle. The next time someone asks what we want to be when we grow up, I'll say "like Becca Bushman".
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