What's Going Down

~`~ My new favorite song is Mad World (originally by Tears For Fears but I bought the version) by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules.

~`~ Gmail is boring now. Once in a while I'll throw in a FMOTD in an attempt to get the chain back up and running again. Sometimes reply to some emails, maybe. That's all, really.

~`~ Instead, reading has consumed my life. It's nice. It...feels a lot nicer to..read about other people's trouble. That sounds bad. It's just - I know the book will come to an "end". And most of the time it's happy. Sometimes, like when I was reading the H-P books, I would worry about Harry dying, then realize there were X amounts of books left about him. It's...not predictable exactly, 'cause that would be boring. But a "rest assured" kind of deal. In life you don't know how something will turn in. Sometimes things don't work out. Or even boil down. Sometimes they get worse and more complicated. And backing up isn't an adequate solution anymore. Hypothetically speaking. Reading is good.

~`~ I'm trying to figure some stuff out. Like, I have been trying to do this "Why do we exist?" type analysis, but I think that was the wrong place to start. Ironic that tackling a huge question would bring little or no answers. Where as a question dealing with fish for boyfriends stimulates a huge brainstorm. Maybe baby steps is what it'll take. I can't just wonder about who I am. Maybe the big picture is something you have to work your way toward. Maybe I'm a puzzle for myself to put together. Maybe I'm waiting to be found. Maybe I've been found and didn't see what was right in front of my eyes.

Or maybe...maybe I found it and I wasn't sure I liked what I saw.



Maybe self creation is easier than this. But I have no idea even where to start doing that.