Boredom

I'm so sick of being bored. I'm dying little by little. My soul is perishing to do overexposure to lifeless-ness. It sucks. It's just - argh. There is nothing to do. Nothing. Oh, and I just nearly busted my mom's computer. So yeah. A nice day. and sympathy is not what i want.

The Difference Between Debates and Arguements

The title just came to mind. There is a difference, of course, no doubt there. But I haven't thought it through at all.

I have decided that life is about choices, and learning from choices. You should not let past choices wreck it all for you. Just to get that clear.

So my brother got 116 YuGiOh cards today he won off eBay. About 50 dollars went into them, and the deck that arrived in the mail (carrying a faint trace of the scent of mothballs with it) including the three promised Egyptian god cards. So yeah, that was very very exciting.

Argh. I feel like I'm writing one of those recap blog entries for websites for MySpace layouts. and that's not what i want my blog to be.

There was something I read in a blog about just having fun, being random, shooting for the sky, and how everything is overdone and over-planned. Now of course that wasn't the exact contexts, I'm not much for remembering quotes, so it's altered a little. Somedays I do feel like that, but after seeing I Am Legend, I realize we do need to plan. Sure, we do a lot of it. And sure, it doesn't always seem like it's getting us far. Sometimes it doesn't get us far. But if we plan now, we (obviously) have a plan for later. Then we have time to be random and do all that great stuff. I'm not one of those strong insisters of work before play, but in this case I just feel like we need to resolve conflicts before...throwing it all out the window, if you will. Not meant to try to sway any opinions, just expressing my own.

The Way of the Hermit

I guess it's important to never really let yourself stop living life. It's important to keep busy, whether that means cleaning the house or going to a party. If you let yourself morph into hermit mode you'll never want to get back out there and do stuff.

It's also important to take control of something before something bad (whether predicted or unexpected) comes of it. So that, when or if something does wrong wrong, you know you did everything you could to prevent it, fix it or make it better.

I've realized that basically, life is choices. In the way that, sure, other people's decisions are going to affect you, but you choose how to react to that. So you choose, as in making a choice, how to react to a choice. You choose to get angry, you choose who you talk to, how to answer questions and deal with trials. Choose when to shower, eat, sleep. You do also choose to go to school, even if it doesn't seem like it. I know, it's illegal to just never go to school. Honestly, by the way, who does the government think they are? If a person wants to remain uneducated their whole life, or persue a different route to make a living, that's there business. But anyway, you could just walk the other direction. You could call the secretary and pretend to be one of your parents and say you're sick. You could just put up such a riot screaming about not wanting to be at school while you're in school that everyone else is quietly wishing you would leave too. It's all about choices man. Think where choices you've made have gotten you. But also an important aspect is not to let past choices dictate who you are. You can change who you are. It's hard and it'll take time, sure. But through your choices you show other people who you are. When you make a promise, they can't read your mind and know whether or not you intend to keep it. They'll look at past experiences to try and see. Life isn't so much about changing yourself as improving yourself. It's probably a good thing to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them. Otherwise, to be blunt, you're not gettin' anywhere bud.

Wallowing = Defeat

Don't give in! To wallow is to surrender! Get out there and do stuff! Earn some cash! Have some laughs! Run around! Leap, jump, skip, stretch, race, swim, do whatever it takes. It'll take your mind off whatever it is that is bumming you out. I know it's torture to think of going out and doing stuff when all you want to do is have a crying breakdown in the bathroom and then, sniffing loudly mosey on over to the kitchen to eat those out-of-it comfort food items. It's not some much eating, as inserting. It can be cake batter, cookie dough, ice cream, chocolates - anything sweet to show people that if they don't care about you then you don't care about yourself (so HA). Go and see a movie. Get up out of the house. Visit the library. Hand out free packs of gum to people on the street. Do a "Free Hugs" ritual. Strike up conversations with anyone willing enough. Meet up with friends. Hug a little harder, smile a little wider and laugh freely. Don't let that one little aspect that's nagging and eating at you, draining you of all energy succeed. Prove it wrong to the point where it was ridiculous to have the option of wallowing as a fathomable choice. I know it's miserable and horrid and you can't stand to be around the harsh people of the world. The people who bump into you without saying sorry. The people who flip you off for 'cutting them off'. The people who stand one or two people in front of you in line and then gets the last of whatever you were dearly hoping for (had centered your whole eating routine around for the day). The people who can't stand to pay a compliment to anyone but themselves (sincerely anyway) for the life of them. All you want to do is sit and cry to thin air or people you've fallen apart in front of. You want to eat in big quantities to fill up the hollow space inside you and you want to never see people from your past - your contaminated past with whatever drove you to this state - again. It'll only bring back the pain. Don't leave others just because they were present when everything went wrong. If you still want to be with them, and they still want to be with you, don't let another force come between you. Don't let anyone or thing or cause stop you from doing what you would love to do if you were 'feeling better'. That's like winning first place in the Oylmpics and stepping down and giving back the medal, because I mean, your mom wanted you to go to law school.

Celebration of 888

Well it's a day of the millenium for me. The date is 888 (pullin a Dr. Suess). I'm pretty excited. Of course, as my dear father just got tickets to the Final Four, which I've been told is the final four something of basketball. So never mind that no one will be able to truthfully claim the date is 08-08-08 for a thousand years, because there's nothing more important than sports in my life, as we all know. Sports for me are basically like...not hated at all, but more like uncovered grounds in the forest of unknowities. It's just stuff I haven't gone into a phase getting obsessed over quite yet. Or at all. I may never yearn or long enough to learn about the general idea of badminton to persue.

Ever notice when someone says you're good at something and then you feel pressure to almost change your ways, in a sense, just to...almost reassure them or prove them right? You don't want them to take it back. Not like they would. Who goes up to someone and says, "Wow, you're so good at poetry", then observes your poetic performances or encounters, and comes back two weeks later with the results of an inspection. They most likely just say it after you read them a poem you wrote that they really enjoyed or touched them, and they want to share that they're impressed with it. It's not something they throw out there to assure you they'll be watching to see how they cope with the burden of there solemn sincerity and encouragement. Ahh life, eh?

Anyway, seeing as how it is 888, we might as well talk about this legendary day. I read a lot of Harry Potter 5. I'm reading the series with the order backwards, like counting down. I realize I enjoy the books billions of times more than the movie. I listened to my two lovely less-then-compatible (not as in E-Harmony style, but incapable of living a peaceful lifestyle under the same roof) siblings scrabble and fight, and joined in a bit when reading got too dreary. I get tired of coming across unknown vocabulary and having to try to sort out the meaning by the context. So I just kept a dictionary by me and snatched it up whenever one of these time consuming encounters happened. I'm the kind of person who cannot go on reading something if I don't understand it. Textbooks, sure, they've never boded extreme interest or stirred up my insides into a tangle with apprehension and excitement. I've had better reads. So when I'm reading something for my pure entertainment and enjoyment, I guess I want to make sure I'm getting it all. Sentences like "He was not sorry not to see him not lurking around a corner" disturb my thoughts, though they may come in instantiously crystal clear for others, and I have to stop and work out the sentence, until it fits, then I can continue, content. I had a half a blueberry bagel toasted, with butter and a fried egg on top and a cheese quesidilla with a variety of dips for breakfast. I remember...what was it, a few weeks ago, my mom asked me if I was pregnant upon showing up at her bedroom doorway with a peanut butter apple and a dill pickle clenched in each hand. Taking this as some insulting remark at my appearance, which is much unusual for my mother, I wondered for a fleeting second whether she had been put under the Imperius curse, as I had spend most of that day as well getting throughly absorbed into the deepest cervices of the wizarding world, discovered loose ends that tied together small genius plot details Rowling had woven into the series and connected it all together in a most satisfactory way. Banishing that thought I swiftly walked past her muttering something about "I'm not that fat, am I?" and she chuckled and explained that when women are pregnant they tend to eat weird food combinations, but the typical thing was pickles and ice cream. I had a half of two chocolates from that Unlimited Delicious box of the gourmet stuff Dad brought back, I'll forever be in debt by the way Daddy. So...er...yeah. I dunno what else there is to say. Happy 888, The Office is the greatest, and...baubles (a word used in the -you guessed it- Harry Potter series I've run across a few times).

There is and Other FlibberFlobbers

So lately it seems like everyone is trying to make a certain grammatical error at any possible given chance. Now I'm not someone who gives anyone the cold shoulder for saying then instead of than. But there is one that bugs me. The 'there is' statement. As in, 'there is many ways to do this'. It's pretty simple really. If it's plural, are replaces is. But everyone always makes the, as I call it, flibberflobber, or mistake of just letting it slide. Now there's no logical explanation for why this bugs me so, but it does. But ya know, I never want to call people out on that, as in, "YOU FILTHY DISGUSTING GRAMMATICAL ERRORER!" or something like that. a) Errorer is not a real word, so that sort of defeats the purpose and basically I've given them the chance to deflect my reproachful remarks with shouts back of "Hypocrite!". And b) who wants to befriend someone who corrects everything they do that they may care about, even if you might not? Get it. It's just annoying if not anything else. So I guess it's just one of those weird bundles of nerves that when hit, lead to alarming reactions. Because most likely, they'll say something sarcastically like, "well sawreee!" and then I usually wind up saying something back like, "Yeah, just try harder next time." Why even say that? They might take it as a joke, but there's a good chance it'll annoy them. Oh! British accents man. I love those. But the thing is (ever heard of that saying, you always want what you can't have?) I can't even try to impersonate a person with the accent. I can't do it. I've tried. Most voices I do are ones that just come out.


I remember during camp these girls said that if someone said something that could have the retort "that's what she said" perfectly pinned onto it, but the time, place or situation wasn't appropriate to say it, they made this handshake instead, for those times, I mean. Okay, not the bestly worded sentence. Nor was that. And that one would probably be marked as fragment on Word or MyAccess. Gosh, I hate MyAccess. Did you know I got unscorable even though mine was tons longer than Anthony's and Thurmond's and...other people's? And it wasn't like I was talking about my experience at a great aunt's funeral's or tips and tricks for handling butterflies - I was sticking to the subject. I edited and revised and cut out some of my best lines. Nothing. It was incredibly frustrating. And it was pretty hilarious (sarcasm) that the subject was how the two football players Gale Sayers and Brian Piccolo dealt with challenges, and writing the essay was in and of itself a challenge. But anyway, I still got an okay grade. I'll probably land myself with Turbin again this upcoming year. I was delighted to be rid of teachers in general at the end off the year. Now that school is coming up soon, I realize that I have to go back. For a lot of years. There was a Calvin and Hobbes comic, and Calvin said something like, "I don't want to go to school!" and his dad says in return, something like, "Okay, why don't we switch places? You can work a full day, get less money then you should rightfully get for working so hard, give a large portion for taxes, all to put bread on the table and your reward is your kid's griping and moaning." Calvin, now outside waiting for the bus while it's pouring rain mutters angrily to himself, "It's nice to know there's so much to look forward to." I always wanted to do something to change the world for the better, I guess a lot of people want to do that. Sad to say though, I dunno if there's a better we can all agree on. I remember talking to Anthony about that, and he said something like "Well obviously not." but it was really a bubble burster for me. A bummer that goes far into the depths of bummer-ness. A heart crusher. A blow below the belt. Is there no hope? I'm starting to think small governments might make it all run smoother. I guess if you do it the big way (handshake mentioned earlier might apply here for instance) then there's bound to be conflicts. We ARE only human after all. Well I am. There's always a little mystery to everyone, eh? You can never be positive until you get to know someone. Anyway, the creative juices are yearning for viewing other's creativity. Youtube here I come. Imma out.

Cornification

This is a post I did in August and never posted. I read it, the draft version, and it was about me being worried of what others thought of me. I don't really care about that anymore. I guess there's a fine line between someone having an opinion ABOUT you and having guidelines FOR you. You can't let others decide who you are, is all.

I'm at a loss in the fact that everyone seems to have like...their thing. Amelia's is trumpet and hockey. Nick's is basketball. Sam's is...a variety. Anthony's in baseball and being funny. Clare's is field hockey and standing up for herself. Alysha's is soccer. Eva's is reading. My dad's is research. My mom's is having an open mind. My little brother's are drawing and making up games. But then me. It's not the case where I can do most everything. I can't dance - I do thought. I don't play ultimate frisbee well - I do though. But they're all....ways to enjoy life. Not exactly, a thing, a passion. I like to paint, I'm not good at it. I like to run, I'm not fast at it. I like to skip - that's hardly a passion. I like to shop - in moderation and for myself (acceptable, and then self - centered). I like to make people laugh, but I usually don't.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fine with it all. I don't want a pep talk or sympathy or anything. I'm smiilin away. I just sort of wish I had a thing sometimes. So I could say I was Becca, and I do/loved/was addicted to (not a drug of course) _______.