Queen Bees in All Reality

You know all people have sides, sure. But I've been thinking about it, and I guess when I was watching Queen Bees I realized how superficial other people may see me as. There was an inner beauty pageant with blind judges and one of the questions were "If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?" I immediately imagined myself speaking in what I guess is my normal voice to other people but sounds like I inhaled helium to me, only a little overdone and saying (while twirling hair) "I'd like to change my nose". I mean, it's like I've succumbed to mold into this Queen Bee just naturally. It's easy for me. And that makes you think. But hey, I have been thinking that this isn't my only side (thank goodness) and I guess I just wanted to list a few sides of myself and describe them.


Anxious: What if this what if that land. Doesn't calm down, isn't systematic, isn't down to earth/sensible/logical/practical. Is all over the place and on top of the stressful circumstances still procrastinating. What a sad fate that side would lead me too if I focused wholly on it.

Self-conscious: Always thinking people are judging me, always trying to analyze and predict what will come out of someone else's mouth, almost always off the mark. Judges myself too harshly, gets angry at self, yearns to insult myself (what is it, like a hobby for me?)

Superficial: Wants to be happy with outward appearance but doesn't do anything about it because is afraid to break a nail. Sighs and ughs and whines and uses sarcasm and rolls eyes and isn't the best company for someone who wants to have a real conversation about something that might matter to someone somewhere other than me. Always redoing my MySpace, going on Facebook, wrinkling my nose, worrying about how I look, sitting on the edge of the foot of my mom's bed and having tantrums about my horribly blessed wonderful easy privileged life.

Music lover: Always recommending songs. Well, that's basically all the time. Copying and pasting other people's music interests on MySpace or Facebook or just asking them about it so I can look them all up and listen to a few songs by each. Humming a song. Bragging that my only real talent is being able to have more than one song stuck in my head. Going on and on about how I love music that describes how I feel.

Peace advocate: Quickly reassuring people making casual threats, as in "he's dead", "I'm going to kill her". Sure I know they won't take a hatchet and bike over to their house and murder the person, but it's just the thoughts. Complaining about the state of the world, worrying about what we're going to do, studying up on politics (not common, less used trait of the side of me), talking to my friends and my mom, wanting to say I'm a hippie but afraid of people saying I'll be stealing Grace's word or recognition. Saying how much I love peace. And hate violence. And basically wishing that the world was a more peaceful friendly environment.



So there are a few sides of me for you. Hope you enjoyed that. Not likely, but I always at least try to keep hope. And by the way, you know how Altoids smell, the peppermint kind. Like old peppermint - not stale, just classy, reminds me of the 50s at a restaurant in a black and white movie. and I guess everyone is eating or chewing or sucking on Altoids. Well I love that smell.