New Year's Resolutions and my "brand of heroin"

So I gave up on caps halfway through the title. I'm only human.

I have a problem. I think I may just be addicted to Gmail. Now, I'm sure my fellow Gmailer friends are rolling their eyes and thinking, "no really?" But seriously guys. Sometimes I feel like what I do in everyday life doesn't matter at all. Getting into Gmail drama, or just spending time (hours and hours) online answering weird/clever/flirtaeous questions on Yahoo Answers, chatting with people, going on YouTube or Facebook. I mean, it feels shallow. But then, I can't let it go. This shallow pool of so called hobbies is my life. What else am I going to do? I'm trying to figure out what kind of person I am. It's not like I can go out and run for president or volunteer for Peace Corp or Red Cross or quit school and join the circus. The last result is the most plausible. How sad it that? At the moment, I am writing this so I don't go back to my "brand of heroin", which you may have figured out is Gmail. Pitiful. And don't I know it.

Another difficulty is that if I try and not become involved in the large portion of my world which happens on the WWW, I may seem like I'm trying to put myself above others. I mean, who cares what your friends think of you, right? Wrong. It's not like I feel like I'm wasting my time by talking to these people. It's more..the amount of time, and the content of a majority of the conversations, and the method of communication...and all that stuff. I'm bored with virtual crap. And I know some people must be too. Maybe.

Course, (okay, I know I'm starting to ramble) sometimes virtual is all you get (I'll stop before it gets depressing.)

Of course I have other stuff to do. Chores. Homework. Work work work. I'd rather blow my time in the cyberworld then face reality in the real one. And that is the problem.

My New Year's Resolutions

Not to eat in front of the Tv/Computer

Not to say I see as much (only people I chat with a lot on...you guessed it, Gmail know what I'm talking about. And now the blog with two readers becomes exclusive? Who does she think she is?)

Too actually answer (besides not much/nothing) when people ask what's up. That may get annoying.

And those are my public NYRs.
Blog later.

The fire

Sometimes I just need to write something down and i feel something really strongly. But it'll go away if I don't capture it in the moment and keep it with me. Like Hermione with her jar of fire in Harry Potter.

So, I'm sad to tell you this epiphany happened to me on Facebook. I was just messing around, when suddenly and very abruptly an obvious truth about myself hit me. Well, a series of them. First of all, I'm very liberal. I think sometimes people are just born being that way. Or, you know, they expand from the environment they grew up in or whatever. And you can change, sure. But no one taught me to be liberal. I mean, I don't have a conservative family, but no one said, this is the right way to be, to me. Which is in a sense, being liberal. So maybe I did learn it.

These are good.






You go, Glen Coco. Haha.

Annoyance 1.5

me:

12:12 PMyou know what i have a problem with?

Anthony: i know some things, but what were you specifically planning to tell me at this moment

me: the lack of blue foods

12:13 PM blueberries arent even really blue

Anthony: yeah

me: theyre...indiago

that was spelled wrong

Anthony: yeah

me: and then

they have blue raspberry flavors

i like blue raspberry flavors

Anthony: yeah

me: but blue raspberries arent real

12:14 PM they are no naturally blue foods

if you want a blue food, you have to take a food and add blue to it

how wrong is that?

Anthony: so wrong

12:15 PM me: exactly

of all the things not to have in this world

why have is be blue foods?

is = it

i would have rather had them take away laugh boxes

12:16 PM hey

can i copy and paste this

on my blog

for an annoyance?

Anthony: shoore

My Strange Personality

yesterday for christmas eve we all got these great robes that are fuzzy and fleecy and have - you guessed it - pockets! Now, I've never been someone whose life revoled around whether clothing has pockets or not, but if a robe like that has pockets, you know it's quality.

see now, i don't even know why I mentioned pockets. Which is what this entry is about. Yesterday I told my dad he looked sexy in his robe. I was being sarcastic of course, I haven't gotten that out of control, but there's a sure fire way to make a nice family gathering have a right awkward moment, if you were looking for a way. I wonder what's happening to me.

In Paper Towns, Margo says that planning for someone (in her case she was talking about pranks) is always a lot more fun than actually doing it. It's over fast. It's not unpleasant, but anticipation made it into more than it was. This relates to Christmas. You wait and get super excited and buy all this food and sing christmas songs and put up decorations and buy presents and feel very happy, and then it passes real quickly and you have to wait another year. but I still love it. favorite holiday. and this year was the most excited I'd ever been for Christmas.

Exception to Annoyances no. 1

Amelia Diehl is not to be held responsible for any annoyances. She is not annoying. She doesn't need to work out anything, except maybe self forgiveness. That is all. Ga' night, folks.

Annoyance 1.4

1.4: People giving me other people's chat to read. The other people don't know I'm reading their words to someone else. I'm sick of getting chats throw at me that aren't any of my business. Don't say sorry. It's not just you. It's just annoying.

the world

friendship should be easy, but it isnt always. everything is going so wrong. i cant make it right. everything i say is taken the wrong way. everything i say is thrown back at me differently then i expected. why is life throwing me curveballs? and so close to christmas.

i cant talk anymore. i cant say what i feel. it just ruins things. staying neutral is safe. but im not neutral. i have a non neutral opinion. people hear me how they want to hear me. they dont listen. well some do. but the people who listen arent the ones i cant talk to. theyre the ones who listen. who so selflessly listen. maybe the fighting is about listening.

i feel selfish. everything i say is about me. but i have to speak for me, who else? i hate being told i dont care, and i just want to fight. i hate fighting. i hate fighting and pretending like nothing happened. i hate ranting about things i hate. i wish i could pinpoint what was wrong and throw it out the window and forget. but problems dont resolve themselves.

i wish i could be strong for amelia, and not get caught up in drama. she hates it, i think. so do i. do i want to be in this? do i know what i want? i dont know anything anymore. my priorities are all in the wrong order. everything is bad and twisted and wrong on the inside. im so shallow. i act like its ok.

i feel like a drama queen. i act like its the worst. people are starving out there. people are dying. people are in countries that have war going on around them. so many worse things, and middle school drama is throwing me flat on my face. im weak. im selfish. im bad. its horrible. its the worst. i need to realize itll be fine in the long run. maybe even tomorrow. its just hard to be in the present sometimes. sometimes the present doesnt feel like a present. maybe its a blessing in disguise.

Re: Horton Hears a Who

Instead of being social and going out on a Saturday night, I watched Horton Hears a Who with my family. And loved it. It's tied with Finding Nemo as my favorite animated movie. Gosh. that was so good.

I'm clumsy. I eat a lot sometimes when I'm upset. I'm self conscious. I get jealous. I think mean thoughts. I watch Disney Channel.

Sometimes I give up on homework. I know it's bad and I should be preparing for upcoming homework loads now, but I slack off. I don't care. I decide the story problem isn't important enough to get an equation. Who am I to decide that?

I overuse sarcasm. I'm a hypocrite. When I have bad days sometimes I'm not rational about it and take it out on other people. I get mad too easily. I yell at my parents too much.

I don't know how I feel. Sometimes I don't give myself time to organize my thoughts. Sometimes I don't think before I speak. I have problems with time management. I don't pay attention sometimes. I make harsh judgements. I butt in to things that don't concern me, then get mad at other people for doing the same. I don't do things when I say I will. I complain. I'm a wimp. I'm obsessed with Twilight even though I'm sick of it. I talk in inanimate objects sometimes. Not seriously, but I mutter at them under my breath. I worry worry worry about what other people say about me.

I'm not perfect - not that anyone said I was. I'm just not.

99th Post and Annoyance 1.3

1.3: People fighting over the stupidest things.

Annoyances 1.1 and 1.2

I can't stop.

1.1: This one will take some explaining. In movies or books, when a couple are together and one of them is meeting with someone else of the opposite sex or somehow they end up somewhere with someone of the oppposite sex of...appeal that isn't who they're with, and then they kiss. And then the other person in the relationship pops in there out of no where and throws a silent hissy fit and breaks off the wedding/breaks up/slaps the person when they follow them/cries (well, this usually happens)/takes the dog and/or kids and goes to stay with a friend/just runs off to who knows where.
Here's what annoys me about this.
1.) That person shouldn't even be kissing that other person. Call me an unfeeling insensitive jerk who has never felt the power of true love, but I don't care what you're feeling. You're in a relationship and if you want to make out with someone else break up with the person you're with. One night stands aren't any better than having a long lasting affair.
2.) Sometimes the person just walks in when their 'hubby' or whatever is talking with someone of the opposite sex. Sure, most of the time they're kissing. Talking isn't a common occurance. Either way, when the culprit dude runs after Mr/Mrs "I've been betrayed so I must get outta here." and the culprit is like, "Please, please, let me explain!" Why don't they let them? What harm will it do? At least listen to the story. Feel free to make noises of disgust throughout. Feel free to yell at them after. But you don't even know why you're running. You walked in in the middle of something that looked bad to you. You don't know anything but that and that you feel like crap.


Hump.


Oh yeah.


1.2: Being sick.

Agony and Annoyance 1.0

I saw the Dark Knight today.

All those expectations.

All those wonderful ratings.

All those months waiting to see it.

My review, you ask? Or maybe you don't - but here it is either way. It sucked. I hated that. I was so confused, and it's not even one of those instances where I shoulda been paying attention. What was that? 94% on the Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes. Ridikulus. Are those people insane? I couldn't figure out who had died, Batman didn't live up to standards, and just when you started to seriously get angry at the lack of progress made in the movie there would be some explosion. Okay, so I'm not with the masses on this one. Dare to be different, right? Amelia was right. I didn't even finish the movie (we got it via Netflix). Yeesh.

So after a serious whining round you're probably all sick of listening to some super blessed spoiled brat complain, and an Annoyance is probably over the top. I promise it's not to do with DK. Dark Knight, you know.

Annoyance 1.0: Apple Skins.




They give me the willies.

Annoyances 0.8 and 0.9

o.8
Hitting or getting hit or accidentally hurting or somehow harming your lip or mouth. It hurts. And then you start crying even though you're not even bleeding. Ow.

o.9
Being judged based on stereotypes.

Okay so just some newsflashes.
I love Jasper Hale, Danny Tieger, Fang, and Jim Halpert. I can't decide if I'm serious about that. Either way, those aren't in order. I think I may be falling in love with Craig Deering as well. I'm hopeless.

I still have Rupert to fall back on.
But hey, don't go thinking I'm boy crazy.

I've started watching Julia Nunes on YouTube. She's always so happy all the time. That's how I discovered Danny Tieger too. All because of Rennie and Amelia of course. And also the Allen and Craig Show. I watched the whole thing today. And it was Hill Air Eeee Ous(t [you know, like the air freshener]).

Britney Spears at no. 1? Gas prices at 1.75 a gallon? Times are changing, my friends.