Crap.

Of course my last decision of 2009 would be to bail on New Years Eve party plans with one of my best friends. Of course I wouldn't even have a real excuse. Of course I wouldn't have the decency to even think of one.

I went on a walk to try and think, starting out with the "I am a horrible person" outlook. A car whizzing by seemed to agree, as sped past me and splattered most of my left side with slush. I was a little taken back (the audacity!), but kept walking (I'm a trooper - what else could I have done? Curl up on the side of the road and wait for someone to find me and carry me home?). At the end of my walk, I came to a conclusion: "I am a horrible person".

What kind of teenager wakes up on New Years Eve and decides she'd rather play Bananagrams and drink spumate and set off Farmville fireworks at midnight instead of following through with normal fun plans with someone her age, with food and a sleepover? Plans that she'd been looking forward to a mere 8 hours before. What kind of person wants to hang out with the family that drives them crazy when they could be hanging around their friends? What kind of person can't even think to blame their parents for the change of plans when they bail?

Friend: So what do you what to have for dinner?
Me: I don't know if I can come.
Friend: What?
Me: I might be hanging out with my family.

How would a person respond to that? You invite someone over, offer them fun and food, and they accept, then they decide they would rather spend New Years Eve like they did when you were 6 and leave them in the dust. Why can't I go back? Where's my universal remote? Why couldn't I say:

Friend: So what do you want to have for dinner.
Me: Dangit! I can't come - my parents want me to be with the family. Which I understand, but I have to bail.
Friend: Oh ok. Well that's too bad. But that's okay. At least you have a valid excuse.
Me: Yep.

Or even better - I could have been normal and gone along with it:

Friend: So what do you want to have for dinner?
Me: Whatever you want. We had pizza last time though, so maybe we can change it up a little.
Friend: Chinese?
Me: Great.

What the heck is wrong with me? Why go out of a year like this? I can't call back and change why I can't come. I can't go back and say I actually can come. It's just an awkward uncomfortable I'm-stuck-and-it's-my-fault situation. And it sucks. Or sticks. Whatever.

Oh and leave it up to me to dedicate a blog entry to my horrible friend ways, proving myself right by not dedicating a journal entry to the fabulously elegant Amelia Diehl, who is turning a whole year older. I suck. Happy New Year.