Found under the Passage to the Parallel

I'm goth - I like the color black- a lot. I'm superficial- I like to shop for clothes and talk about how I look sometimes. I'm fat- I like food and spend more time watching TV then I do working out. I'm white- I have decided not to swear. I'm limiting myself- I like the religion I'm in and follow it. I'm stupid- I'm wrong sometimes and there's a 100 percent change you know something I do not. I'm weird- I don't do everything like you do. I'm ignorant- it takes me longer to understand somethings than it takes you. I'm retarded- I trip over my tongue when I'm trying to speak more often then not. I'm blind and deaf because sometimes I don't hear a person or see something that's being pointed out. I'm a loser- because I don't have a busy life. I don't have a busy life because I like to relax and do nothing in the summer. I have A.D.D. because I get distracted. I have G.A.D. (general anxiety disorder) because sometimes I get very worried about what my future will contain. I have O.C.D. because I do somethings in a certain order, and redoing my MySpace is becoming a daily habit. I'm out of control because sometimes I don't act like other people think I should. I'm selfish because sometimes I want things done the way I want them done, or I want to work on a class project on my own instead of with a partner. I'm boy crazy because sometimes I want to sit back and talk about hot boys. I have no taste/I'm very generic because I can listen to the JoBros and Miley Cyrus. I'm random because my train of thought is different than your train of thought. I'm moody because my emotions change throughout a day based on thoughts are events that take place. I'm one sided because I don't understand why people always say what they do. I'm hypocritical because I do things constantly that I get annoyed at when others do it. I'm predictable because I laugh at funny jokes. I'm boring because I don't always have a hot topic on hand to rave and rant about. I'm critical because I have my own opinion. I'm rude because I have a temper. I'm wishy washy because I forgive others. I'm a liar because I don't tell everyone everything about my life. I'm ugly because I don't look like Heidi Klum. I'm mentally challenged because I didn't know how to pronounce the word Mediator. I'm clumsy because I frequently drop stuff and trip. I'm spoiled because I was born into the family I live with, and life turned out to be a privileged situation for me.



So yeah. That was about every label a person could pin on me. (and Amelia, this does not count as insulting myself. It's a way of showing that I won't let labels affect the person I am.)

Yay!

I'm so happy with how my life is. I'm working on how I look, in church as group is finally tight knit and having fun. I feel so full of love, like the whole world is waiting for my eager young mind to explore. I'm excited (moderately so) for school to start up again and impatiently waiting to overcome pracrastination issues and learn new things. I hope to make new friends. Who knew that age-old seemingly meaningless phrase be yourself really works and applies to almost everyone. I'm developing my own opinion, I can stand up to others and insults affect me a lot less. Not everything is perfect, but it doesn't need to be. Everything is falling right into place, and life is all good and for that I am glad.

Trivial Persuits

I'm sick of finding joy in everything
I'm sick of not knowing what to say
I'm sick of trying and falling flat on the last bit of the journey to success
I'm sick of trying to cheer people up and making it worse
I'm sick of trying to cheer people up, period.
I'm sick of unintentionally offending people, which the above sentences probably will.
I'm sick of not being able to express myself and talk about what I wanna talk about because of the people around me.
I'm sick of feeling guilty for doing the right thing.
I'm sick of insulting myself so I don't sound full of it.
I'm sick of people telling me they don't care to everything I say.

There's my list of annoyances. I just needed to get that on there. If it's so unbelievable that I'm human and things tick me off and I get get irritated, you might as well never visit my blog again, because that's what it all centers around. Dealing with mine and everyone else's humanity and ways of life. That's a wrap.

Impat ent e unce

Are there ever secrets you know, that you simply know because you were there when it happened, and you've been keeping it secret for that person's sake which the secret pertained too? Or maybe you're not that noble, maybe you're keeping it a secret for your sake and the person's, or just your own sake. I wonder if it would bother the person who is the reason the secret exists. I mean, maybe the person didn't want or ask for what they were doing to be regarding as confidential information or circumstances. And so then, the person responsible for the secret being in existence would be the person who made what the other person was doing secretive. But maybe you're just trying to protect them from the harsh influences of the materialistic uncaring disposable world we live in, or protect them for realization of self. It's all so confusing sometimes.

Queen Bees in All Reality

You know all people have sides, sure. But I've been thinking about it, and I guess when I was watching Queen Bees I realized how superficial other people may see me as. There was an inner beauty pageant with blind judges and one of the questions were "If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?" I immediately imagined myself speaking in what I guess is my normal voice to other people but sounds like I inhaled helium to me, only a little overdone and saying (while twirling hair) "I'd like to change my nose". I mean, it's like I've succumbed to mold into this Queen Bee just naturally. It's easy for me. And that makes you think. But hey, I have been thinking that this isn't my only side (thank goodness) and I guess I just wanted to list a few sides of myself and describe them.


Anxious: What if this what if that land. Doesn't calm down, isn't systematic, isn't down to earth/sensible/logical/practical. Is all over the place and on top of the stressful circumstances still procrastinating. What a sad fate that side would lead me too if I focused wholly on it.

Self-conscious: Always thinking people are judging me, always trying to analyze and predict what will come out of someone else's mouth, almost always off the mark. Judges myself too harshly, gets angry at self, yearns to insult myself (what is it, like a hobby for me?)

Superficial: Wants to be happy with outward appearance but doesn't do anything about it because is afraid to break a nail. Sighs and ughs and whines and uses sarcasm and rolls eyes and isn't the best company for someone who wants to have a real conversation about something that might matter to someone somewhere other than me. Always redoing my MySpace, going on Facebook, wrinkling my nose, worrying about how I look, sitting on the edge of the foot of my mom's bed and having tantrums about my horribly blessed wonderful easy privileged life.

Music lover: Always recommending songs. Well, that's basically all the time. Copying and pasting other people's music interests on MySpace or Facebook or just asking them about it so I can look them all up and listen to a few songs by each. Humming a song. Bragging that my only real talent is being able to have more than one song stuck in my head. Going on and on about how I love music that describes how I feel.

Peace advocate: Quickly reassuring people making casual threats, as in "he's dead", "I'm going to kill her". Sure I know they won't take a hatchet and bike over to their house and murder the person, but it's just the thoughts. Complaining about the state of the world, worrying about what we're going to do, studying up on politics (not common, less used trait of the side of me), talking to my friends and my mom, wanting to say I'm a hippie but afraid of people saying I'll be stealing Grace's word or recognition. Saying how much I love peace. And hate violence. And basically wishing that the world was a more peaceful friendly environment.



So there are a few sides of me for you. Hope you enjoyed that. Not likely, but I always at least try to keep hope. And by the way, you know how Altoids smell, the peppermint kind. Like old peppermint - not stale, just classy, reminds me of the 50s at a restaurant in a black and white movie. and I guess everyone is eating or chewing or sucking on Altoids. Well I love that smell.

Little Unknownities

Happy July.

I've been noticing a lot of good artists on MySpace aren't on YouTube and I can't find lyrics for them, let alone being available on iTunes. I had figured iTunes had everything, we except obviously the Beatles, which is in itself a tragic tragedy. So I get to go to camp! Isn't that great. My dad is also coming home soon. I'm purty excited for that. Music. What exactly is it anyway? I like the definitions in August Rush, which is really a good movie by the way. So. what's up with you guys? I'm just busy doing each and everyone of the following

• listening to my heart and doing what I feel is right
• being a bit confused
• redoing my MySpace
• talking to my mom
• delighting in all these new music artists and newly discovered worth-watching TV programs
• packing for camp
• talking on the phone to Karina and Delaney
• missing people who are gone
• sneezing (allergies are amazingly time (and even) life consuming)